Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
