There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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