I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
