I can text with my tongue
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
