ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
