epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My life is pants optional.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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