coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
