I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
