What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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