May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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