Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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