If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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