There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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