grandma shit on top of the toilet
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
