I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
