great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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