Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
