I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
