We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
