You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
