He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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