I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
