If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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