Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
