He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
