Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
