her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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