Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
