man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
