I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
