I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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