Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have aggressive nipples.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
