Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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