dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
