the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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