apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
