it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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