he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
