Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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