Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
