In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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