Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
