We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
