No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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