My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
