Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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