So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
