And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
