We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
