I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
