I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
