Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
