well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
