hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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