He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
