Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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