The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
