Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
