Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
