When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
