i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
