if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
3 2 1 whiskey
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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