i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
