I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
