She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
