and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
