If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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