is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize