I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
