I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
