I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
