shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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