C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
