Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize