I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
