some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You ruined the universe
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
