It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
